December 12, 2023


min to read

Ditch the butterflies: stop confusing anxiety with chemistry

Let's face it, Hollywood and rom-coms have us believing that "butterflies in your stomach" are the ultimate sign of passionate love. But hey, let's be real for a sec. When you're truly comfortable and relaxed with someone, do you really need that churn in your stomach to feel excited?

Think about it. Remember that scene in "When Harry Met Sally" where they discuss the "high-maintenance" women who need constant drama and excitement in their relationships? Yeah, that's not exactly the blueprint for lasting love, is it?


  • Excitement vs. Anxiety: The physiological responses to excitement and anxiety can be remarkably similar, leading us to confuse the thrill of the unknown for genuine romantic interest.
  • Fleeting vs. Sustainable: While the initial rush of butterflies can be intoxicating, it's often short-lived. True love requires a foundation of stability, comfort, and a deep sense of connection.
  • Masking Deeper Issues: Intense initial chemistry can sometimes mask deeper compatibility issues or unresolved trauma, leading to a turbulent and ultimately unsustainable relationship.

Here's the truth: Love shouldn't feel like a constant stomach ache. It should be a haven, a source of comfort and support, a space where you can truly be yourself without fear or judgment.

But don't worry, this doesn't mean you can't have chemistry or exciting experiences in a long-term relationship.


  • Building on more than physical attraction: While physical attraction is important, it's only one piece of the puzzle. Lasting relationships are built on shared values, mutual respect, and emotional compatibility.
  • The power of comfort and security: Feeling safe and secure with your partner is a key indicator of a healthy relationship. When you're truly comfortable, the butterflies fade away, replaced by a sense of calm and contentment.
  • Untangling the message of your body: It's crucial to develop self-awareness and understand what your body is telling you. Are those butterflies a sign of genuine excitement, or are they signaling anxiety or discomfort?


  • Reframing the narrative: Instead of romanticizing the butterflies, recognize them as a potential warning sign. They might be urging you to delve deeper and explore the underlying emotions.
  • Exploring the roots: Consider whether your attraction might be fueled by unresolved trauma or a subconscious need for excitement. Seek professional help if needed to address any underlying issues.
  • Developing healthy communication: Openly communicate your feelings and concerns with your partner. Honest and transparent communication is crucial for building trust and navigating complex emotions.
  • Prioritizing self-care: Prioritizing your mental and emotional wellbeing empowers you to approach relationships with greater clarity and self-awareness.
  • Let Maia be your guide: Maia can help you navigate the sometimes complex world of emotions and relationships. She can:
    • Plan personalized date nights: Designed to spark genuine connection and deepen intimacy.
    • Offer tools and exercises: To help you manage anxiety and build emotional intelligence.
    • Provide a safe space: To discuss your fears and concerns without judgment.
    • Help you learn about your attachment style: And how it affects your interactions with your partner.

Remember, true love doesn't need a stomach ache. Ditch the romanticized flutter, embrace the calmness of real connection, and let Maia be your guide on the journey to finding love that truly nourishes your soul.

Let's stop confusing anxiety with chemistry and start building long-term relationships that are both passionate and secure.

πŸ¦‹ Butterflies are cute on a caterpillar, not in your stomach. πŸ¦‹


download on the app storeget it on google play

Like It? Share this article:‍

facebook logox twitter logolinkedin logo

Our Mission & Editorial Standards

At Maia, we're passionate about helping couples thrive. That's why we prioritize providing you with accurate, actionable, and science-backed content.

Our blog posts are grounded in the latest research on relationships, communication, and psychology. We work closely with a team of relationship experts to ensure our content reflects the most up-to-date knowledge in the field.

Our goal is to empower you with the knowledge and skills you need to create a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Stay tuned for insightful articles, expert advice, and practical tips – all designed to help your love story flourish.